Resolute: Regrets and the Crystal Ball

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Being resolute in the present has its’ challenges.  Especially when you keep looking back on the past and tossing that big old “Regret Salad” around! It is confusing.  How do you learn from your mistakes and past decisions without falling over the line into regretful thinking?

Let’s take this step by step with an example problem.  I continually tell myself that I am flat out grieving my decision to sell off all my share of the acreage and cabin in the woods.  At the time, I was retiring and struggling with a very difficult marriage.  Money was getting tighter and tighter.  I had come to a fork in the road.  Sell my house, sell the land, move somewhere new all together, live in the cabin on the land, or what? I chose to sell my house and the land and move to a new and more affordable place.  I find myself missing the cabin most of all.  That leads to me just beating myself up for selling and constantly searching for a way to recreate the feelings I experienced on the land.

So can I learn something from this regret? Let’s start with forgiving myself first.

Step One: Be Resolute in my forgiveness of myself for selling the cabin and the land. “I forgive myself.  It was the best decision I could make with the information I had at the time.” Now can you think of a regretful decision you made? Would you have made a different decision with different information? As I write this blog it has occurred to me that I would NOT have made a different decision.  It would have taken a crystal ball to have seen into the future.  Guess what, I don’t own a crystal ball.

Step Two: Be Resolute in the blessing the past and the past mistake or regret or decision.  “Thank you land and little cabin for every memory and lesson I learned.  You were one of the best times of my life and even the sad times taught me so very much.”  That little cabin taught me so much.  It taught me that I loved the feeling of freedom experienced in open spaces with big land and the comfort of a small town. I loved looking forward to seeing family and friends drive down that little country road and pull into my gravel drive. The anticipation and preparation of their arrivals brought me so much joy each and every time. I learned that I loved nature.  The cows, the baby calves appearing with their unsteady little legs, the surprise visits of deer, bear, wild cats and nightly howls of the coyotes, oh, and I almost forgot, the raccoon that snuck up to the deck to eat the dog food. I loved the antique bed on the sleeping porch and my solitude there. The decision to leave the cabin taught me that I did not want to live out there so far from family isolated with my ex.  It was not a place I wanted to share with him.  It revealed even more of his temperament, his moods and his integrity. So, like a friend that one day you must say good-bye to, I say good-bye to you little cabin.

Step Three: Now Step Two was hard.  Stay Resolute and make a new resolve. In this instance, the next thing to do is decide if I enjoyed that lifestyle enough to seek out that same lifestyle or something similar.  Or do I set out on a whole new adventure? Also, be resolute in the present. You know, be happy with what you have right now. Where I live right now lets me breathe a little financially. More important, there the lights of my life, my three grandchildren, my children, and my Dad are close by.  There is an endless list of reasons I am happy to be right here. But I am sure I do not have the answer yet to my next decision.  I will just be okay for awhile not knowing that answer and accept that as my resolve.

So forgive yourself. Then remember that whichever road you took, you made that decision with the best information you had at the time. Bless that time and be grateful. Now, look at the new information and make a new decision. A different choice. And be grateful for where you are in your life today.

Do you have a regret or decision you made that still needs to be worked through?

 

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Resolute: Don’t Be the Fork in the Road

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What is the difference in making a resolution and being resolute? Well, the answer is clear. A resolution is a noun.  Noun’s don’t require action so maybe that’s why so many resolutions don’t make it past the first week in January.  The word Resolute, is an adjective that describes you.  This year, I chose the word “Resolute” as my theme so that it would describe me in this year’s situations.  Not to say that I shouldn’t be flexible and listen to the advice of others.  I just feel the need to become more purposeful in my decisions and less regretful or wishy-washy about the paths I choose. It seems that I tend to be the fork in the road instead of the road.

Once you cross that magic line of qualifying for the senior discount at restaurants, you just can’t afford a lot of time hesitating. It is time to choose a path and move on down the road.

Which decisions are you finding hard to make?

Better Late Than Never…choosing a theme or word for the year…

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New Year’s Day, President’s Day and Valentine’s Day have all come and gone.

My yard is showing signs of little green sprouts popping up and I even wore flip-flops today. And now, I am ready to take New Year’s resolutions to a new level. Restlessness had been creeping in for the last few weeks.  Actually, truth be told, I flirt with it off and on all the time.  Today I cleaned off my desk and found an activity that I had printed from the one of the dozens, (no hundreds), of Life Coach, Facebook, Make Your Life More Purpose Driven sites. For some reason this one had grabbed me.  I decided to take a few minutes and go through the exercise.  Yes, you heard me right.  “Take a Few Minutes!” In just a few minutes, I could fill something out and sort out my life plan. Figure out the word, the theme, the thing that would make the rest of this year better. Of course that whole notion is silly.  I was silly.  But wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could finally sort myself out as quickly as possible?

So here is me, and maybe a lot of you can relate to this too.

I stare at the page for a few minutes and can’t for the life of me answer the first question on the first page! “Name Your Theme for 2016_________”.  Thank goodness for Google.  My mind is blank.  I just have to have a theme.  A perfect theme, because I always have to have the right answer.  I will just google personal themes.  Surprise! There are lots of people doing the same thing.  This led me on a whole journey all afternoon chasing one website to another that listed inspirational words, the one word, the one feeling.  Where have I been? This has been going on for years.  People choose a theme or a word and focus on that word all year instead of a New Year’s resolution.  It made so much sense! It creates so much focus and I do believe you can manifest things to happen in your life so why not.  But I can’t pick a word. I pulled up lists and lists of words.

You see I retired when I was 58.  I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted to do.  I spent a lot of time and money working on it and then just stalled out.  At the same time, my personal life went haywire.  That is a whole ‘nuther topic.  Two year more years went by and I neither went ahead with what I thought I wanted to do, or moved where I thought I wanted to move, nor do I know any of those things now.

What I found in my search for the “one word” was that I couldn’t seem to decide a thing. I have saved web searches going 4 years back regarding where I want to retire and still no decision there at all. So my word is “Resolute”.

res·o·lute
ˈrezəˌlo͞ot/
adjective
  1. admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering.
    “she was resolute and unswerving”

It may be late February, but word and theme for the year will be resolute. I have decided to decide.